


The Maze Between You and I

by batbabs



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Coming of Age, F/M, Falling In Love, One Shot, jily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-18
Updated: 2014-08-18
Packaged: 2018-02-13 12:41:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2151111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/batbabs/pseuds/batbabs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something caused Lily Evans and James Potter to finally see how the world began changing around them, how it grew unsafe to walk the halls of Hogwarts at night—the whispers of an everlasting darkness invading their lives. Will it drive a wall between the too, or a pathway to find one another again?<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> split into two parts because it became a bit too lengthy

She was freezing. 

James had never seen someone shake so violently in his whole life—not even when Sirius was a big black dog shaking the water off his back.

She was turning a light shade of blue—bailey noticeable—but it flashed quite horribly with her red hair. That was when James decided to take his invisibility cloak off; he immediately forgot the reason why he was wondering the corridors late at night.

“Evans, are you alright?” 

Lily didn’t seem to hear him, or she simply, couldn’t care less.

“Evans, seriously, why are you shuddering like that?”

The girl with soaking red hair continued to wonder down the hall in a daze.

It didn’t take long for James’ panicked strides to catch up with Lily, his hand grasping her shoulder—it scared him terribly when the warmth of his palm met a frozen slab of meat and bone. 

Taken aback, James pulled his hand away. 

Was this even Lily?

This couldn’t have been the Lily Evans that always had something to say—she would have never let him touch her.

The girl in front of him started to sway a bit like a drowsy drunk; her head lulled gently to the side, hair covering her face like a sheet of red. 

Taking a hand, James lightly pushed her hair to the side, his fingers getting tangled in wet messy locks. The heel of his palm was pressed against her forehead, and underneath the freezing skin was a burning sensation. This girl’s forehead was on fire, and he didn’t need a nurse to tell him what that meant.

“Lily!” James snapped his voice to try and get a reaction. 

After a few seconds, the freckle lidded eyes started to flutter open, and that’s when James’ heart stopped. 

Those green sapphires that glared at him, yet glowed with laughter—that told him double meanings when her words were harsh, and that begged him to say just one more word to her when she was about to walk away—they were dull. 

Her eyes were so dull that James had to stop himself from trembling as well. They were the color of dead moss, and so cloudy that James wanted to keep on yelling her name in hopes to try and cast the fog away. 

This was undoubtedly Lily Evans.

Without warning, the sudden panic shocked his stomach with a jolt, and James was suddenly fully aware of his situation.

James grasped onto both of Lily’s hands tightly, hoping to smother them in the warmth of contact. 

“Lily, you’re freezing, you’re literally ice—bloody hell—you have a high fever. What do I do Lily? You’d know what to do in this situation.” 

James started to mumble useless words as he tried to warm up Lily’s arms and shoulders. He raked his head for what to do, and it came crashing toward him like a Bludger to the head.

James pulled his wand out of his back pocket and pointed it at Lily—this was then he noticed his hands were quivering with nerves. 

“Exaresco,” James murmured. 

Lily’s hair absorbed the water like a sponge—leavening it a frizzy lions mane, and it evaporated from her clothes quickly, but her skin was still clammy and frozen. 

It helped a bit, but dry clothes were not going to thaw Lily out; this ice sculpture needed to melt. 

Without a second thought, James grabbed Lily’s hand and started to gently pull her toward him.

“Lily, follow me, okay? You can do that—I know you can,” James forced a smile trying to reassure her. 

The dull eyes never looked up at him, but as James pulled, Lily followed.

 

\----

 

James couldn’t exactly remember where he needed to go, but his feet seemed to move in the right direction while his mind continued to panic. Everything looked exactly the same, and he soon felt like he was going in a circle. 

Give James Potter any other situation than this and he would have been able to find his way blindfolded and skipping backwards.

It wasn’t in till they finally reached the fifth floor that James took a relieved breath. He squeezed Lily’s hand again—he seemed to be doing this often—as if to reinsure himself that she was still there. 

Lily’s hand was still clamped tightly around James’ grip, and she made no move to rip it back, yelling about how sweaty his hands were—he wished she had.

James only used the Perfect’s bathroom once when he heard about the swimming pool sized bathtub—Sirius tried to convince him to throw a pool party. Afterwards, when James brought this up jokingly to Lily, she threw her hands in the air declaring that Sirius was madder than a hippogriff in mating season.

It was eerie to think back on that—that girl seemed so far away, but the horrible truth was, James was holding her hand, yet Lily Evens never seemed so distant.

“Honey Blossom,” The doors to the bathroom swung open, and James’ heart leapt. He hadn’t figured out what he’d do if they changed the password. 

Once inside, James finally let go of Lily’s hand and it slowly returned to her side. 

James had to clench his hand into a fist a few times to try and wear off the stiffness that grew in his fingers. He wiped the built up sweat on his pants. 

The moons bright light shined through the stained glass windows making Lily’s skin glow in an alluring —almost haunting manner. The pattern of the colored glass danced across her skin, and it nearly brought her back to life. 

For a split second James allowed his mind to wonder to Remus and the reason why he was out in the hall with his invisibly at night—to make the monthly preparations for Remus’ “furry little problem”. 

To think that if he hadn’t done so, no one would of found Lily wandering the halls alone at night; it had to be one of the worst feelings that sat at the pit of James’ stomach. 

James picked the first few bath tabs and turned them on, running his fingers under the water to make sure it was the right temperature. Whether or not this was going to actually help Lily, he couldn’t be one hundred percent sure, but at the time, it was the smartest thing James thought he could do.

The water filled up remarkably fast, and James looked down into his own reflection; staring back at him was a scared looking boy, and next to that boy stood a red headed husk of the girl he cared for so deeply, though now she looked a bit better. 

Lily seemed to be looking into the water as well—they locked eyes through their reflections before James stood up and turned to face her. 

He couldn’t be scared; he had to be strong for her. 

“Here Lily, the warm water will make you feel better.”

Lily seemed more alert than before, maybe the steam from the water was already helping, but as she looked at him, her eyes read uncertainty. Looking at the situation in a third point of view, James understood why. 

“You can trust yourself around me, okay? I would never let anything bad happen to you—I’ll keep my back to you—I promise, this will make you feel a lot better.”

James grabbed her hand, and Lily followed. 

The tips of Lily’s pale toes dangled off the edge of the marble floor. James waited for Lily to make any movement of going into the bath, but she just stood there, with her hand in his.

James thought maybe Lily was waiting for him to turn around, so he tried to let go of her hand and walk away, but Lily wouldn’t let him—she was holding on. He looked down at their cuffed hands, squeezed tightly, and pulled away.

The warm bath water gushed into his shoes as James lowed himself in—hitting to just about his bellybutton—his pant pockets filled up with water making them look like mini flotation devices. 

James looked up at Lily and stuck his hands out for her.

When Lily touched the water you could almost see her skin jump. The warmth of the water brought out the blue veins that ran down the forearms of her pale freckled skin. 

The Steam started to fog up James’ glasses, and after a few times of rubbing the lenses on his shirt, he took them off. 

The blurred figure of Lily engulfed James’ vision, and on impulse, he pulled her closer to him so he could see the outline of her features.

Lily looked up at him—the color was coming back to her lips, and a smile formed on his.

“You look better already Lily.”

Lily still looked disoriented, and hadn’t uttered a word since James found her. The more the steam filled his mind, the more he realized there was more to this whole situation. 

It had to be a spell or a curse that was making her like this; perhaps on her perfect duty, she found someone, and in an attempt to get away, they aimed their wand at Lily and yelled a curse. 

It made James’ blood boil, but being livid wasn’t going to help anyone— especially Lily. He had to focus on the matter at hand. 

James’ hand fumbled out of the bath, and after his palm furiously making contact with his glasses, his fingertips brushed against the glass vase filled with bath salts he had seen prior. 

Poring all that was left of the bath salts into the water, the aroma of lavender filled his nose, and the water became almost a form of liquid silk—which made James’ skin feel smooth. 

The silky warm water filled the vase as James held it underwater with both hands. Gently, he held it up between himself and Lily—water slushing out the sides of its wavy edges. 

“Lily, I know you must think this is crazy—you can yell at me all you want after this is over—I’ll be very glad of that, but I’m going to pour this water over your head. You know how good a hot shower feels when you have a stuffed up head? Well, your heads pretty stuffed up right now… stuffed of what, I have no idea, but this should really help. Do you trust me? Just—just close your eyes and lift your head up for me, okay?”

James cradled the vase in his arm as he curled his fingers under Lily’s chin, gently lifting it upwards. 

Her neck was exposed and beads of sweet shined off her snow-white flesh. James always loved her ivory skin; it made her so apart from the others. 

Before pulling his hand back, James let his thumb gently trace her jawline, leaving behind a trail of prickly skin. 

As quick as it happened, James cursed himself as he coiled his hand back. 

He couldn’t be doing things like this to her.

Lily sits here vulnerable—her lifeless body resting in the palm of his hands—and here James is, letting his own yearning get the better of him. 

Instead, James pored the vase of water over his head—ramming his emotions back down to the pit of his stomach, where they have been since the loading dock of The Hogwarts Express at the start of this year. 

Lifting the once again full vase with one hand, James placed his other on top of Lily’s head; so he wouldn’t accidently knock her with the edge of heavy glass. 

The wavy edges pressed into the top of his hand as the water slew though his fingers; engulfing Lily in warmth. 

James slicked her hair off her forehead and carefully watched the droplets of water drip off her golden eyelashes. 

With hair pushed back, James was able to see two small pearls that rested on both of Lily’s earlobes—he’d never seen those before, and it was almost exciting discovering something new about her.

Usually, Lily was hidden behind her tousled hair that framed her face.

After a few more vases of water, Lily’s eyes fluttered open, and they stared up at him for quite a bit of time. All James could do was stare right back—swallowing down all his questions and frustration. 

This was all James could have ever wanted, Lily. Lily not yelling at him; Lily standing here next to him; Lily standing here next to him in the perfects bathroom. 

He hated himself for even thinking these things—especially at a time like this, but whenever he touched her, pushed her hair back, or held her hand, James’ stomach leapt to his throat. 

This was only the body of the girl James had admired. The part that made him see a shimmer of hope during the time he felt most alone in this world had been taken somewhere, somewhere before James had found her. 

Though, James felt like he lost Lily along time ago; this year wasn’t hard because of academics. 

When James’ mind would wander to that summer night with the Marauders, he’d always asked himself if was really worth it, and now, he knew the answer to that question more than ever.

 

\--- 

_James and Sirius roared with laughter._

_Peter had shoved a Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Bean up his nose._

_Covering one nostril with his thumb, and a quick blast of air out his nose, Peter had shot a slimy bean at Remus’ head._

_Alone in the company of his three best friends, Remus took one angry look at Peter, and then joined in the harmony of James and Sirius._

_Sirius wiped away laughter induced tears, “Wormtail, you could take out a group of Slytherin’s with that aim!”_

_This caused them all to cackle harder at the thought of Peter launching nose beans from across the great hall._

_“What do you think is slimier; Pete’s nose beans, or Snivellus’ hair?” James quipped._

_Sirius joined in, “Maybe Snivelly washes his hair with Wormtails snot!”_

_“I start my weekly regimen off by blowing my nose into Snivellus’ conditioner bottle!”_

_The three submerged themselves again into a fit of giggles while Remus shook his head at them._

_“Come on guys, I thought we were over this—it’s not funny anymore.”_

_James pushed himself up from his laughing position to lightly slap Remus on the back, “Oi! Lay off it Moony, this is just between the three of us—we’re done pranking that slime ball,” James grinned at Remus’ unsure face, “Besides! I never said anything to Snape about not causally bringing him up for laughs with my best mates.”_

_This seemed to be all the reinsurance Sirius and Peter needed because they nodded their heads in agreement._

_Remus made an unsure noise from the back of his throat, “I know, but...” he shrugged his shoulders._

_Sirius tossed a chilled glass bottle in Remus’ direction, “Have some firewiskey mate and relax! This is going to be our sixth year at Hogwarts, I say we’re allowed to be our old immature selves again every once in awhile!”_

_“Exactly my point Padfoot!”_

_“Though,” Sirius took a big gulp from his firewiskey bottle, “I’d stop talking about Snivllus, if James stopped talking about Evans.”_

_Peter agreed, “I’d drink to that!”_

_Remus was the one this time to start laughing as he raised his bottle up in accord._

_James started to grow red in the neck, “Way to turn this around Sirius—you talk about girls all the time!”_

_“Ha! Don’t even try and relate this to me James—it’s been how many years? And you’re still hung up on this one particular red haired Gryffindor.”_

_“Yeah, it’s called being in love!”_

_Sirius’ laughter almost turned bark-like, it wasn’t deep and warm like it usually was, but more in a mocking one-syllable tone._

_James clenched his firewiskey bottle in his hand—the cause for the twos sudden tipsy behavior—“Sod the fuck off Sirius! I never heard you,” he turned towards his other two friends that seemed to want no involvement in the current quarrel, “or you two bitch about this before!”_

_“Because we thought you’d eventually pull your head out of your arse and see the light of day!” Sirius grew defensive out James’ sudden outburst_

_James’ grimace grew darker, and before he could reply, Remus put himself between the two—his body being a barrier between the two tidal waves that were about to crash into each other, “Relax you two! Maybe we can try and talk about this like adults rather than with the alcohol on our breath—let’s all calm down, okay?”_

_Sirius stomped off swearing under his breath, but eventually came back, patted James on the back, and told him how he felt._

_“Lily is like bad medicine for you,” Remus explained, “You leave to go talk to her and always come back defeated—I think you’d make her more happy if you just left her alone for awhile.”_

_The look on James’ face made Remus squirm in pity, so he quickly added, “The quote ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder’ is famous for a reason…”_

_Sirius join in—this time much calmer and with a cup full of pumpkin juice, “Try to pretend she doesn’t even exist this year and see how much your mood changes. We’ve only got a little bit more time at Hogwarts; enjoy the things you’ve missed out on before it’s too late. I miss my best friend.”_

James' friends talked some scene into him; deep down he knew more than they did that what was being said was true.

And that night James Potter swore off Lily Evans for good. 

_“And for some miraculous reason Evans comes crawling on her knees, begging for you to be with her—then by all means mate, be with her; you have my blessing, but no more following her around like a lost puppy, getting constantly kicked in the face.”_

\---

 

Well, this was sort of like that. 

“You’re going to be okay Lily, I promise.”

James could try and take her to Madam Poppy—he should have done that in the beginning, but he wanted to be her hero, to help her. James just thought Lily needed a warm bath to unclog her head, but now he could of made this whole situation worse.

Lily did look a lot better though; color started to appear on her face, she looked more alive than dead—and her eyes… they seemed to be…

James’ breath hitched at the back of his throat.

“Lily…?”

The mossy eyes that were scanning the room landed back onto him.

“Lily… do you know where we are?”

A small sympathetic smile slowly formed on Lily’s face—James had to look closely to see it.

Lily understood—she was responding—she was getting better; she wasn’t going to leave him. 

James gently placed both shaking hands on her shoulders and peered into her eyes. He licked his lips a few times, trying to swallow down his inner voice.

“Can you speak?”

The small smile was now pressed into a thin line. Those beautiful green eyes were less hazy, but immediately, they looked distressed. James got his answer. 

“Don’t worry Lily, were going to get you out of here—with a nice warm towel.” 

James was trying to keep his composure, but once he let go of Lilly’s shoulders, his hands seemed to move with a mind of their own—they shook and darted uncontrollably—his heart was trying to push its way down his stomach, and out of nowhere, James forgot how to breathe. 

James was breaking down, but Lily was going to be okay. 

James was losing it, but Lily was gaining it all back.

To try and tame his hands, James balled them into fists at his sides—before his attempt to leap out of the bath, his soaked clothes trying to pull him back down. 

James’ world was spinning all because of this girl—why hadn’t he acted like this before? 

Now that Lily seemed to be okay the grip on James’ heart loosened—allowing his blood to flow—allowing all his senses to grasp at everything that was going on.

Allowing James to properly freak out. 

He couldn’t let himself react like this before; Lily needed him calm and collected. She needed him to be the person in control. His mind was at command to Lily in her time of need. 

Now equipped with a towel and his glasses back on, James put his hand out to Lily. 

When her fingers grasped around his wrist, James lifted Lily up gently, putting one hand behind her back for support. 

Finally, James wrapped the towel around her shoulders like a cape.

Both their bodies created a puddle around them that grew bigger by the second. 

“Exareso.”

Lily’s hair frizzed up again, and under all of it sat a girl that looked up at James with eyes he had never seen on her before—they looked confused, yet almost amazed by what was going on like a child seeing fireworks for the first time. 

The hairs on the back of James’ neck stood up when Lily slowly presented him with her towel. He first stared at it dumbfounded, then realized he was still dripping water onto the floor. 

Even after everything that happened, James’ cheeks were bright red. 

Mumbling under his breath, James casted the drying spell on himself as well. 

Lily could always make James feel embarrassed; his ears would turn red, and his hand would automatically shoot up to the back of his head. It had been awhile since he’d done that. 

Maybe if James didn’t try so hard to avoid her this year none of this would have happened.

What this was though…James had no idea. Yet his mind was telling him to apologize for turning the other way in the halls when he’d see her before class, or finding an interest in his text book whenever Lily answered a question, and that one time she actually came up to James about an assignment; he casually shrugged his shoulders and went back to talking to Peter. 

“James?”

Whether James jumped out of his skin or not could be debatable, but there was no question that the rims of his eyes started to burn when a talking Lily stood in front of him.

James shoved his hands in his pockets to avoid the urge to pull her to his chest and hold her tight. 

“James, what the bloody hell is going on?” 

This response was quite odd, and James had no answer for her question other than to stare back at her, bewildered by her harsh tone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, thank you for taking the time to read this! That's crazy!  
> This is my first time ever posting my work, and I still might end up freaking out and taking it down—congratulations on reading it before that happens!  
> I apologize for any spelling and or grammar errors; I'm dyslexic. All of this is just me trying to get better and grow.
> 
> Check out part 2 for the ending!


	2. Part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something caused Lily Evans and James Potter to finally see how the world began changing around them, how it grew unsafe to walk the halls of Hogwarts at night—the whispers of an everlasting darkness invading their lives. Will it drive a wall between the too, or a pathway to find one another again?  
> (split into two parts of the sake of keeping it under 10000 words on a page)
> 
> Part 2 of 1.

Lily could of said she was pregnant with Severus Snape’s grease ball children, and yet the response would have still been the same—James wanted nothing more than to press sloppy kisses all over her face, mumbling about how she was going to be okay after every one. 

A more stern voice rang out in the perfects bathroom, “James Potter, why are we here?” 

“Lily, what are you—”

Lily looked back at the no longer steaming bathwater, and a conclusion was shown on her face, “Where you trying to…”

“Lily, are you alright?“ 

Maybe things weren’t back to normal after all. 

“Alight? James Potter, did you drag me down here to try and convince me to take a bath with you?”

On impulse, James took a step back, feeling as if he entered a hostile territory, “Bloody hell, Lily, I was helping you!”

Not backing down Lily took a step towards James, “Helping me? After bluntly ignoring me all year—you try and talk me into—”

“COOL IT EVENS!” James threw his hands up to emphasize the fact, and to show that he surrenders from this pointless argument. 

James ran his hands in a frustrating pattern through his hair—this conversation was going in circles, and James had no idea what had happened in the past minute to get them here.

The face on Lily grew twisted by the second, and with each echoing step of her feet, she charged toward James. 

Finally, blowing the hair from her face, she poked her finger into his chest, “What’s going on Potter?” 

The whole demeanor in the room changed as James looked into the eyes of a girl that was about to cry. 

Something deep down in Lily was boiling up for all the wrong reasons. Lily was small—she wasn’t a real threat physically, but mentally, she could mess James up with just a few words; this made James feel tiny, venerable, and completely pissed off. 

Yet, as Lily’s eyes started to water up, all he wanted to do was scream in frustration. 

“Lily, I didn’t bring you here because I wanted to shag you in the bathtub—you nutter—what was the last thing you remember exactly?” James tried a calm approach—if two people scream, no ones going to hear each other. 

Lily was about to yell again, then she paused, her eyebrows scrunched together painfully before looking back up at him, “I…”

Tears ran down Lily’s face as she pressed the palms of her hands to the sides of her head, like trying to squeeze a memory out from it, but everything was leavening her bit by bit, and that’s when it hit James.

“You don’t remember, do you?”

Lily blinked back tears as she slowly shook her head, hands falling to her sides, “What happened to me?”

James sucked in a low breath; finally, progress. 

“I found you wondering the halls by yourself late at night… you were shivering.”

Lily stared back at James with dismay and tear-stained cheeks, “That… that doesn’t make any sense.” She couldn’t remember anything that happened—all the times James had looked into her eyes and saw nothing was actually true.

Her mind was out of service while her body was moving about. The speculations that dawned on James earlier started to seem highly plausible.

A soft whimper bubbled out of Lily’s lips—it was soft, barely audible, and it made James’ bones clatter. It was a noise that will forever haunt him.

“Lily…” James called out in a worried tone; he put his hand out to try and comfort her, but for better judgment let it fall back to his side.

She was misplaced in all of this and was looking at James for the answers; James wanted nothing more than to give them to her. 

“Try and think back to the last thing you remember Lily,” the voice that left James’ mouth was calm and gentle—it sounded foreign on his palate compared to how he was actually feeling, but the way it made Lily’s shoulders slouch a bit, and the breath that she suppressed escape—he never felt more proud of himself before. 

“Take your time, I’m not going anywhere.”

Lily’s tongue ran laps over her bottom lip as she stood in deep thought. It almost looked painful the way her brows were scrunched together. 

James didn’t dare disturb her, mostly because he was too focused on the fact that Lily had calmly rested her hands on top of his own—her pale freckled thumbs curling under his palms.

This must have been out of impulse—Lily didn’t even seem to know what she did, but after time, James felt her squeeze his hands, and the whenever she did, James would squeeze back. 

It was a poor way of comfort, but it was the only thing James could do. This little thing, out of all the chaos that was happening, felt right, and for awhile while the red headed girl battled with her inner demons, James and Lily squeezed each others hands in non verbal responses. 

“I… was at the library copying Severus’ notes from class that I missed,” Lily’s voice startled the both of them like a loud crash that wakes you up violently in the middle of the night. 

Like always, out of anger and jealousy, James jumped to conclusions, “Lily, Snape must have done something! After what he called you fifth year—you’d know better than to try and talk to him—I’m going to knock that Slytherin door down and drag him out from his bed!” 

The last time James had spoken to Severus Snape was at the end of fifth year, to offer a shake of the hand, and James’ word that they should leave their immature past behind them and move on with their lives. 

But this was Lily—this was completely different. 

“Severus didn’t do anything!” Lily snapped, “I use to study with Remus, but he always ignores me now—since you told him not to talk to me!”

“I never told him not to talk to you—” James paused, then his eyebrows shot up to his forehead, “Wait, are you saying this is my fault?”

Lily became red in the face again, “I’m saying it’s your fault that Remus doesn’t talk to me anymore—you don’t talk to me anymore neither!” 

James rubs his temples; he didn’t want to get on this subject right now, “Listen, you wouldn’t understand—“

“If it has something to do with me then I deserve to know!”

Desperation dripped on James’ tone when he spoke, “Lily, we have bigger things we’re dealing with right now, okay? I’m talking to you right now, right? So please, do you remember anything else after copying Snape’s notes?” 

James and Lily kept on going in circles; next she’d want to know why he stole her book-bag third year. 

The uprising argument that was about to explode simmered down at this question— Lily and James may have bottled up emotions from the past, but they couldn’t let hurt feelings suffocate the problem at hand.

Again, Lily’s eyebrows furrowed together, “Well, we stayed at the Library pretty late studying—Irma Pince doesn’t care how late Severus and I stay—we finished around late evening… On the way back to the common room, I noticed I still had Severus’ notes, so I thought I could catch back up with him…”

Lily’s mouth was slightly agape, words traveling slowly like reading a script out loud for the first time. 

Her eyes were focused on a spot on the other side of the room like she was watching a projection of her actions that evening, commentating it along the way, but the projection froze, and there she sat, staring—waiting for it to continue so she could finish. 

Then finally, the projection started working again, but this time it flickered with sunspots and static—with voices that appeared to be far away, that popped and crackled. 

It all slowly came crashing down on Lily like a forceful wave of water. 

Lily’s eyes glossed over, and she began shaking—barely, but noticeable enough for James. 

The room started to sway back and forth, and Lily suddenly felt that she was about to hurl, “I—I—I need to sit down James—please.”

James was at Lily’s side in an instant—with a hand guiding her to the cement steps of the bathroom’s entrance, lowering her down gently to the cool floor, her back resting against the next step above her.

Lily was almost there, she was starting to remember—she just needs someone to help guide her though it. 

With the way she started to shake, James assumed she opened the door of her mind that was locked tight of what had happened. 

A few deep breaths in and out the nose, and Lily was back staring at the spot in the room, like when a kid has to give an oral report in class and is too nervous to look at anyone, so they chose a spot in the back to lock their eyes onto.

Lily regained her control, and fought back the angry tears that stung at the corners of her eyes; she was so frustrated, so tired, and so downright terrified at what her mind had just witnessed.

Dull senses from before were now reacting to this realistic dream and turning it into a terrible reality. With every blink it dawned on Lily that this is what had actually happened.

“Regulus Black.” The words shot out of Lily’s lips with no thought. 

It was numbingly silent. 

James’ lips collapsed into a thin line on his mouth.

No matter how much James wanted to jump up and prey Lily open for an explanation—he bit his tongue, pressing his fists into the cool title underneath him. He couldn’t let himself drive Lily back into her defensive corner. 

After a few elongated seconds, Lily continued.

“On the way to give Severus back his notes, I ran by a classroom, and I heard some voices,” Lily swallowed hard, “It was past curfew, so I was going to give them a warning to be off to their common rooms…”

Leaning over, Lilly pressed her palms on her eye sockets.

“The door was slightly open, and when I looked through, I saw a group of five Slytherins’. I had potions class with two of them…I think Severus called them Avery and Mulciber; one was a girl, Alecto Carrow, she’s picked on me since first year; the last one I’ve seen somewhere before, but have no idea what his name is. 

“And Regulus Black?” James finally spoke—the air felt thin when he breathed—he was scared; he knew who these kinds of people were. 

Lily nodded, “I was going to knock on the door before peering my head all the way in, but then—”

Lily paused, and slowly shook her head—her palms still pressed firmly against her eyes. James found himself laying a hand on Lily’s back to try and sooth her, though he doubted it’d do much. 

“I saw it right on his bloody forearm—with a proud, discussing smile on his face like he had a trophy and was putting it on display for everyone to see.” 

Lily’s voice turned sour. The words in her mouth tasted vile, so she started spitting them out, “He was waving it in front of Regulus Black’s face—laughing—he was so damn happy… and the others…”

She finally lifted her head, looking at James fully in the eyes; there was no more confusion or fear—only anger and disgust, “The others were smiling too. Looking at him with smug approving gins—even bits jealously—and—and,” she pressed her fingernails into her palms to try and calm herself, “I know I should of left and went to Dumbledore, but I wasn’t thinking properly, so instead, I opened the door all the way—”

“Lily!” James almost shouted, like he was yelling at her to lift her hand off the doorknob. 

These were the people he needed to protect her from, where was he?

The redhead flinched a bit at the sudden outburst.

James closed his eyes tightly before grabbing onto both of Lily’s hands—no hesitation or question; he didn’t care anymore. 

“You’re safe now,” James leaned his face close to Lily’s, to make sure he wasn’t missing anything, “You’re okay?”

Lily took a moment to answer back—she simply stared at him. The way his hair was tossed over his eyes, his glasses resting at the edge of his nose—his eyebrows kitted together in worry—this boy had gone through so much this year, yet she never seen James quite like this, and it was because of her.

Finally, Lily nodded her head, letting her hands fall from James’, “…That’s all I remember. Thinking too hard on it makes my head feel like it’s about to implode,” she thumbed deeply at her temples, “They must of tried to Obiviate my memory.”

“Bastards… wizards and witches Obliviating one another is one of the most frowned upon things in the wizarding world,” Lily added with a hiss from the bitter headache that started to form in the center of her forehead. 

“You have to remember who we’re dealing with…—do you think the door could have been charmed to wipe recent memories from whoever tried to open it?” James wished this could have appalled him as well, but sadly, he wasn’t shocked at all by a group of “soon to be death eaters” using something as dangerous as the memory charm on an innocent bystander.

After all, these were the ones that were going to try and kill people like Lily and himself one day. 

“Seems the most likely I suppose… whoever did it was stupid enough to try and use a memory charm on an object besides an Anti-intruder jinx—that’s why it must of worked so poorly on me… though, I have no memory of anything after that moment, or leading up till now—we’re not even suppose to know how to cast Oblibiate. What other spells do they know?”

The forgotten moments could have been minutes or hours; or worse, could have tampered with memories from the past that she’ll never even know have been taken away from her. 

Did Lily end up just walking away in a blinding white light, or did something else happen? 

How come when James found her, she was so cold?

“Hey Lily, do you happen to remember anything about being cold or wet—a river or lake perhaps?”

Lily gave him a strange look before letting the question lull around in her head for a few moments. 

Puffing her cheeks out, Lily sighed, “No… not at all, why?”

“You looked like you emerged from the great lake when I found you; your skin was clammy, lips blue, and you dragged your feet like blocks of ice—that’s the whole reason I brought you here actually, to try and warm you up.”

An uncomfortable silence rifled between the two. Lily looked like she wanted to say many things, but kept closing her lips before actually saying anything.

Tears built up again in her eyes before quickly blinking them away.

“So be it,” Lily let out a shaky breath, “I’ll probably loose sleep over this for the rest of my life—my mind was gone, but my feet never left me—I just have to leave it at that… for now at least. I’ll go mad if I tried to backtrack everything that happened in those moments—like a never ending scavenger hunt that’s written in a different language.”

Lily was trying to talk herself off the cliff that she was looming over, “All that matters is that I’m safe and unhurt, right?”

No. “Right.” 

Lily hugged herself closely; she felt so vulnerable and tampered with. All she wished for was her arms to swallow her whole, to drown into her Gryffindor jumper. 

James watched Lily. Her eyes on standby; thinking of things he wished he knew, but to be in Lily’s mind right now was not something, for once in his life, he wished to be at this moment. 

Lily must have been groggy and drained, wanting nothing more than to pass out onto a pillow, letting the moons light consume her—if she could actually sleep after all this, but he still needed to know one thing that’s been chewing at his brain since all this unraveled. 

“What made you open that door? Why’d you do it—I’m not blaming you—I just want to know what was going through your mind...”

Lily looked at him as if the answer to his question was obvious, “The reason why I went in was because of Regulus. James, you should of seen his face among the others… he was smiling at them, but when he looked down at Averys’ arm—he was scared, unsure—he still had a chance to be saved from that world and so—”

“You went in there thinking you could save the day? Lily, do you know how stupid that sounds? Regulus picked his path along time ago,” James responded, his voice rising a bit.

“Would you really do that to Sirius?” Lily cut him off, “You’re his best friend! Don’t you tell me you would of walked away from his brother...”

James flinched at her words. 

No, of course he wouldn’t of.

“Lily, you’re not me, you barely even know Sirius—I think this is the first time you’re even calling him by his first name.”

“So?” Lily swallowed the lump in her throat, “So you’re telling me, because Sirius and I aren’t skipping arm and arm together to class that I shouldn’t try and save his little brothers life?” 

Lily tried to hide the ugly grimace that appeared on her face by shaking her head, her hair tousling around her face, “That’s bullshit James and you know that it is too. I want to help—I want to make a difference—I want to fight back. I couldn’t live with myself if I left that room; I’d lay awake every night asking myself if I could of helped him; I’d see Sirius’ face everyday knowing he’d kill to have been in my place that night—to try and save his little brother—and eventually when Regulus got killed, I’d feel like I killed him myself.”

James was speechless—where was this entire thing coming from? 

Lily was speaking the words he’d tell himself everyday.

The same words the Marauders talked about late at night.

The words he lost when his parents died. The words he forgot how to say.

Lily could have had her whole world ripped out from underneath her, and still, if someone tried to challenge her, she’d fight back with fire in her eyes. 

Just like when James tried to defy her reasoning of helping Regulus Black.

She never gave up; Lily was a fighter till they very end. 

James’ hands started to slowly shake with passion again—for the cause of good versus evil. 

The fight his mom and dad had died for.

Lily was like a commander, saying a speech before battle that strikes hope into her comrade’s hearts. 

Lily Evens is a warrior. 

This was the little redheaded girl that used to scream in James’ face when he’d ask her to marry him. Lily isn’t that girl anymore; she’s a woman, a strong beautiful witch with eyes that burn with passion.

“Your parents were so brave James,” Lily’s voice sounded wounded like trying to force words out of your mouth after a long run. 

James avoided her eyes, “I know.” 

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that by yourself—I—I wanted so badly to do something—to hold your hand, but I wasn’t there for you… I was a stupid girl fed up with you ignoring me—I thought I really lost the best person I ever met… I thought I was being given another chance with Regulus; to be able to do something right. I couldn’t let what happened to your mom and dad happen to anyone again, nonetheless at the hands of Sirius’ brother.” 

Lily let out a small bitter laugh like she couldn’t believe what she was about to say, “I care too much for your stupid group—with your stupid nicknames—your bloody fucking good hearts and genuine kindness. Shit James…I—I use to hate you guys so much, and I don’t even remember when that hate turned into respect—we’ve all been through so much—you especially.” 

Lily was rambling. The monologue that was building up in her head these past few months was flowing out of her lips, and she couldn’t stop.

This was the second time tonight that James felt like his was going to cry. 

So many emotions were smacking against his skull at once—it was difficult to muster up words, “Lily… you know you can’t save everyone by yourself, you’re one person.” 

It may not of been the best thing to say, but at the moment, James couldn’t say the other sentences that sat at the pit of his stomach. 

“Then help me James Potter.” Lily’s eyes were intense—a metallic green that could make a serpent coil. 

“I love you.” 

Where those three words came from, James had no idea; they appeared at the tip of his tongue without warning, and before he could comprehend what he was feeling, they escaped out of his mouth and into the void. 

Sure, he said it before to Lily in the past, but he was only repeating what he heard in movies and music. 

This was personal. These words sounded different—like actual feelings that were transcribed into words from his very being. 

James wished he could have grabbed those words from the air and shoved them back down into the deepest corners of himself—where they simmered and grew over time.

Lily must of noticed the difference in these words as well, because she looked at James in a mess of different emotions sprawled across her face: anger, confusion, shock, relief, hilarity, and exuberance. 

Deep down, James knew this couldn’t have been completely one sided; things like this don’t blossom over time without something to help make it grow. 

“You don’t have to say anything Lily. It wasn’t said so you could say something back—I didn’t even mean to say it… it just… happened.”

“It feels different from before,” Lily spoke aloud, trying to understand it as well, “Like… I’ve never heard you say that before, yet I have, a lot, but… what’s happening between us?”

James gave a simple shrug of his shoulders—he didn’t have an answer for her, he didn’t even have an answer for himself, “I don’t know what these feelings are lily; they’re bigger than myself—than both of us—I can’t even begin to try and understand them, but they’re real, and they’re there. When it turned from a stupid boy crush to this, I have absolutely no idea.”

Is there a certain rule on how long it takes for someone to fall in love? You could judge it from this moment; only a matter of seconds, or on the day James first met Lily, six years ago, when he still ran out of the room when his parents kissed one another. 

A looming mist that you knew was always there, but only now finally being able to see what exactly was on the other side after all this time.

Was this whole predicament the key that finally opened the door that had been shut deep down inside of him for so long? 

The thought of actually loosening Lily—having her be so close to danger, to finally realize that Lily was only human, and she could be gone at any moment. 

“But I mean it, I really do love you. I never knew what that meant up until now, but I have no doubt in my mind that I do.” 

Like when James wakes up in the morning to his blurry dorm room; when everything is a mess of outlines and shapes, then he put’s his glasses on, and it’s all clear as day. It all makes scene.

Scoffing, Lily’s cheeks turned a beautiful crimson red, but she wore a brilliant bold smile that grew at his words, “This is complete and utter madness…” she chuckled weakly, despite how steep her stomach felt—despite only wanting to cry. 

 

“This past year we all watched you grow from a brat punk, into a kind hearted guy that only wanted to help make people happy—that was around the time when you started ignoring me as well, I don’t blame you—I was cruel to you at times. I’d hate me too.“ 

“I never hated you, hell, Lily, I could never hate you,” James’ words were spoken from a smug smile—awed by her ridiculous false accusation and gracious words.

“Please, let me finish—I need to say this,” Lily held up a hand, clearly not wanting James’ response, “I’m saying this for me, I’m not looking for your reinsurance.”

“But…” Lily smiled gently at him, the air around her suddenly becoming less intense, “Thank you anyway.”

She continued. 

“I always thought that when you finally grew out of your childish faze, you grew out of your dumb crush on me as well… I was… mad… mad about how I grew dependent on seeing you everyday—how I wished you’d follow me down the halls again, annoying me till I swung my book bag at your face. It scared me when I’d think back to your ridiculous flirtatious advances—it made my face turn bright read, and my palms start to sweat.”

Lily was mincing exactly what she was saying; her face glowed like a splotchy sunset while she slowly massaged her fidgeting hands together, pulling all the nervous tension out from her fingertips. 

“You said those things so simply; out loud in the halls like a game—humans shouldn’t be able to express their feelings so easily. But seeing you now, seeing how much pain you’re in—how vulnerable you look—for some messed up reason, it makes me happy—because this time, it actually feels real—this time instead of yelling at you, all I want to do is cry.”

James stared blindly into the abyss that was Lily’s pint up confession; honestly, he didn’t know what to say—this was something he had always wanted, and in those wishful daydreams, he’d scoop her up in his arms while everyone in Hogwarts cheered behind them. 

“I—I feel this too James, and I don’t want to stray from it. I want to see what this grows into—was it always there, and we were both just too young and naive to sense it—our childish bickering only masking how we actually felt?” Lily properly laughed out loud this time, “I’m such an idiot. How did we get from my mind being Obliviated to us confessing how we feel about one another?”

James loosely agreed with a breathy chuckle and shrug of his shoulders, “I don’t regret it.”

Breathy chuckles were one of James’ notable doings that made Lily want to bite her lip in frustration; the effortless smug smirk and twinkle in his eyes.

“Neither do I.”

James’ heart was beating so loudly in his ears that it was hard to even hear what Lily had just said. In hindsight, James should have been giggling like a schoolgirl, but in truth, for the first time, he felt shy around her. 

Part of him wanted to lock himself up in a room, so he could properly register in his mind all the things that have just been said. The other part wanted to hold Lily in his arms till she finally got a decent nights rest—allowing his body to grow numb and stiff from lack of movement. 

Words were not registering, before, they were slipping out of his mouth without a logical thought whatsoever, but now, James was wishing he had queue cards written down for exactly what to say when the girl you’ve been infatuated with your whole life tells you she cares about you.

“I always knew you were in love with me.”

_Smooth._

_James Smooth-As-Hell Potter._

It flew out of his mouth in a cool flirtatious air that instantly distilled into regret written on his face. 

Lily’s cheeks now matched her hair, her smile quivering a bit, “Don’t push it Potter.”

The freshly laid down awkwardness normally felt between two teenagers started to become buried, and soon afterwards, was replaced with small conversations the two had been meaning to talk about for awhile; stories and questions that ended with effortless chuckles or surprised gasps; 

“Really? So that was why you came to class in Huffelpuff robes and pink hair—Black—I mean Sirius, is a riot.”

“Lily, you can’t sit here and tell me that you didn’t sass Professor Slughorn into Oblivion. You proved him wrong, and when he told you to teach the class, you did so to the point that even Peter wasn’t blowing up smoke from his caldron—we were all still laughing about it at breakfast the next morning.” 

How easy it was to talk amongst one another, like nothing had ever happened. 

Picking up an old book again, pulling back the creased dog-ear fold at the corner, and resuming right where you left off.

“So we’ll go to see Dumbledore tomorrow?” James suddenly asked—the two submerged in a comfortable silence, “He needs to know. This isn’t something to be silent about—you’ll help feature students by speaking up and being brave—this—none of this is okay.”

“I know.” Lily agreed simply, “I’m not scared. I have nothing to be afraid of. I’m ready.”

Standing up and fighting back is the only thing they could do. This was actually happening, whether anyone liked it or not. War. 

These next few years were going to be dangerous, but this was the first step in fighting this, together.

 

“Afterwards, can I take you to Hogsmeade for lunch?”

The suddenness of this question made Lily look at James as if he had sprouted horns.

Snorting, Lily waved a hand in front of her face, attempting to calm herself from laughter, “Hogsmeade isn’t open for students this week, remember?”

James replied nonchalantly, “Lily, you know better than I do that that doesn’t matter in the slightest; you do know who you’re talking to, right?”

Lily shook her head softly, the grin on her face still as present as ever, “It’s a date,” and for a moment, she took a series tone, “and James?”

“Hm?” James’ head tilted to the side, a dopy grin from Lily referring to it as a “date” still showing. 

Lily was almost hesitant to speak at first, but she sighed, pushing her restraint out the window, “No more like before—us ignoring each other and not talking. I’ve missed you.”

It wasn’t a plea, more like a simple statement. 

With eyes warm with genuine fondness, James let out another breathy chuckle, “Lily, how could I possibly ignore you? Now that everything is out in the open—we have to look out for each other now, we’re a team.”

Lily shyly looked away, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Her took notice of the faint yellow glow that stalked up the windows, “The suns starting to rise—how long have we been here?” 

As if on cue, the shadows that danced around the perfects bathroom started to disappear, replaced with the light of dawn. 

The night had ended, taking the plague of the horror that had happened with it.

That would replay in James’ dreams for days to come.

Had it actually happened last night? It seemed so long ago… but in fact, that content smile Lily now wore was a dreaded gloom from only hours ago. 

But like with everything, the sun still rises, the sun still sets—it doesn’t stop for anyone. You simply need to get up and move along with it.

Time doesn’t wait for you—you have keep up, and no matter how beat up and swollen you are at the finish line, you made it. 

And the sun will still rise again tomorrow. 

“We better head back before people start to get up, who knows what gossip will stir if someone sees us—better yet…”

Lily scoffed at James teasing words and mockingly started swatting playfully at his shoulder, “There isn’t going to be any gossip because after I beat you up nobody will recognize the dashing James Potter!”

“Dashing? Please Lily, You’re embarrassing me!” James squawked in a boyish giggle, “I know the old Lily Evens is back because she’s either shoving me or punching me in the shoulder!” 

Throwing her hands up in victory, Lily laughed completely out of breath. No traces of last nights events showed—they were there of course, and James had no idea how it will effect Lily in the feature, but for now at least, it was buried for another day—another hour, or for right after they enter their dorm rooms. 

Swept up in his thoughts, James didn’t notice the sudden sentimental look that Lily gave him.

Though, James did take full notice when Lily promptly engulfed her arms around his slim waist. Crashing her body into his, head nuzzling into James’ shoulder—making him inhale a keep breath.

A shiver jolted down James’ spine, immediately taken over by a gush of warmth that shot through his body, allowing his hands to dart up and softly cradle Lily’s head in return.

The sun will still rise, the sun will still set—just keep moving. 

“Thank you James, for everything. I don’t know where I’d be right now if it wasn’t for you… I see a light at the in of all this darkness when I’m around you. I really do.” 

_Moments like this make the world seem so small—that your choices actually mean something. It makes you want to stand up, and fight back for the fragments of us scattered throughout the maze of this darkening world we’re living in._

_Let my love be the beacon of light that will guide you safely back to me._

“Me too Lily, me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thats all she wrote. 
> 
> I might do a follow up to James and Lily at the end of 7th year, or on the first time Lily told James she loves him. I'DUNNO.
> 
> Had a lot of fun with this at 4am. Hope you enjoyed!!


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